The tyranny of adjectives

"I'm not a writer."
"Why?"
"I'm not a writer because my works aren't awe-inspiring or deep or impactful."
"You write, don't you?"
"Yes."
"So you're a writer."
"But -"
"The quality of your content does not matter. You're a writer because you write. Maybe you're not a great writer yet and maybe your works will never be sold for money, but we're not talking about how well you write. We're talking about whether you write. You do. So you're a writer."

"That's... true."

I often discount who I am and what I do because I don't feel like I do it well. "I'm not really a salesperson." "I'm not really an artist." "I'm not really a writer."

It's so unpleasant to second guess myself. The cognitive dissonance is painful.

My solution? Decouple the adjective (descriptive word) from the noun (who you are) and verb (what you do).

Be proud of who you are and what you do. Quality is an entirely separate matter. It’s stressful and distracting when we let our competence determine if we’re who we believe we are.

Now, of course, you can say that it's important for a doctor to be a competent doctor. I agree. We need good doctors, lawyers, architects, engineers, statesmen, and so on. Standards need to be adhered to in specific circumstances. Even then, we can distinguish these professionals by their quality separately.

If you have a child, would you say "I'm not a father / mother" because you're not good at the job? You’ll be asking "how can I be a better parent?" There is no doubt in the mind of a parent that they are, in fact, a parent.

Here's my hypothesis: For growth oriented people, competence and quality comes after we accept who we are and what we do.

Decouple the adjective and look at the noun and the verb. Accept who you are and what you do first. Use it as your fundamental truth. You'll find a sense of calmness from this.

"I am a writer. This is true because I write and share my thoughts with people on social media and my newsletter."

Then use this truth as a springboard to make progress.

"I am a writer. No question about it. Now, what can I do to become a better writer?"

Decouple the adjective (descriptive word) from the noun (who you are) and verb (what you do).